Never Stand Up To A Goat
Kurapae // Just a few weeks old
Despite the overwhelming reports to the contrary, there are a few lovely humans in the World. One in particular adopted Kurapae a little over a year ago when it became apparent that Felix had no wish to welcome a youthful usurper into his domain and was becoming ill as a result. As heart breaking as it was at the time, we knew Kurapae was going to a loving home, one that was set in 16 acres of lush countryside with and an already growing menagerie of animals. Clearly she would have the time of her life until her tiny Feline body expired many years hence. One thing that really stuck with me after she left though was the connection I made with her in the short time she was with us, something akin to a protective Father watching over his youngest Daughter. Put simply, we bonded. So when we saw her for the first time today, after so many months, I immediately recognized her beautiful little face. The kitten inside the Cat, and although I wasn't expecting it, it was profoundly moving. I think she had some sense of recognition too because as stand-offish as she was with us standing there, she willingly came up to me when we walked back to the house, greeting me with an affectionate head bump whilst zig zagging slowly around my legs as if to say "I missed you". I’m fully aware that we like to see animals in our own minds eye, projecting anthropomorphic qualities onto them, yet it was an experience that left me with mixed emotions. I was happy, genuinely happy, to see how she'd grown up. She had come so far from the tiny, bloated kitten that we nursed back to health after she was found, abandoned in a pile of rubbish. Now, as a fully fledged Cat, she was ready to take on the world we tried to teach her about. It was wonderful.
And now she lives in one of the most beautiful locations we've seen so far in our time here in Aotearoa. Sixteen acres of non-manicured, rolling hillscape that includes a vista taking in the better part of Hawkes Bay and it's peninsula, all from an elevated position. It's one of those life affirming views that forces you to stop for a second and tack stock of your own life and ponder future decisions. I just stood there for a moment to take it all in. From a deck overlooking a swimming pool and small, hedge-lined garden, a thriving wildflower meadow teeming with swooping Birds, Bees and Butterflies tumbles steeply down to a lush, sprawling valley lined with with all manner of horticultural endeavors. If it wasn’t for the gentle nudging of my Wife two hours earlier, I might have missed this altogether.
Not such a tranquil time was had in the paddock feeding the two longhorn Goats however. Everything was going fine until one of them became somewhat enamored with my shorts and playfully hooked their horns underneath the pocket. This was no doubt an attempt to prove who the alpha male of this odd interspecies gathering was but the result was an 8" gouge ripped into my inner left thigh and hamstring. Once we got home and I surveyed the damage it occurred to me that humans really are weak and venerable when compared to any other comparably sized Mammal. Even in juvenile play you realise how utterly determined and strong an animal can be when your pathetic anthropoid frame comes up against them, especially Ruminants. It's not until you pay attention and actually look at them, you discover they are in fact all muscle and when your delicate, bipedal sack of skin and bones is subject to even the slightest of playful nudges or excited head tosses, you suddenly understand why our ancient ancestors were overwhelmingly vegetarian. Indeed, were it not for my quasi-tranquil demeanor and someone firmly, but kindly, grabbing the horns of the wonderous beast in question, I would have been lucky to escape with my leg muscles still attached, let alone the skin. Still, I was willing to accept it. They had after all allowed me into their space and I was grateful to be able to spend time with them, even if they were only six inches short of castrating me. Needless to say, the best part of my upper left leg now resembles a fleshy and grotesque, oversized rhubarb and custard lozenge. All things considered, I still prefer Cats.
I spent the rest of the afternoon back home in the garden reading* while my Wife carefully basted herself on the lawn. I was momentarily distracted from my book however by the characteristic scuffle of claws attempting to gain purchase on the back of the garden fence - the unmistakable sound of our Cat about to enter the garden. Roughly five seconds later I was vindicated as a seven kilo lump of black and white Norwegian fur plopped into the flower bed and sauntered through the vegetation via the custom path I made for him a little over a week ago. This seemingly mundane turn of events brought me great pleasure for two reasons. One - the plop as fluffy paws made contact with the soft earth was particularly satisfying. Two - as anyone who has Cats will tell you, no matter how much you spend or how hard you try to accommodate them with items to make their indolent existence easier, they will never use them. Hence why the sight of Felix tip-tapping over the miniature paving slabs I'd lovingly laid down for him brought forth a smile rich with a certain smugness. I may have lost to a goat but I won with the Cat.
*This Is Going To Hurt by Dr. Adam Kay - Picador 2017. I thoroughly, thoroughly recommend this book. Except if you’re pregnant. If you’re thinking about getting pregnant however, then you should definitely read it.
